Impress-A-Girl-Pasta

FACT: Girls like food.
FACT: Girls like guys who are capable of cooking
FACT: Making a meal or two while dating does NOT set you up to be the only one who does any cooking should the relationship become long term.


There comes a time in every relationship that involves "dinner at my place". And whether you're a man or a woman, this can be a daunting proposition, especially if you can't cook.


Impress-A-Girl-Pasta (or a guy) is called so because unless you're dating a Food Network celebrity, it's going to impress. It's a bit of a twist on an old classic. Everyone seems to like spaghetti and meatballs. Spaghetti noodles, balls of ground beef, and marinara sauce. The downside is that everyone has had it like a million times! So, I changed it up a bit. Of course, it will pay to make sure your date likes all the ingredients in the dish. Some people have a very strong aversion to mushrooms, for example. 


Let's get down to business. First of all, don't use spaghetti noodles. Use something else that's similar, like linguine noodles, or angel-hair pasta. Linguine is basically spaghetti that's flat and wide, while angel-hair pasta is just really thin spaghetti. It's a minor change that she'll notice, and when she asks you why the noodles are a little different, you can reply with some smarty-pants know-it-all chef answer like "Oh I always use linguine ... it's so much better than common spaghetti." or something really cheesy like: "Baby, I wanted this meal to be extra special." or some such bologna. 


Second, the meatballs. Forget about them. (Or foggeddaboutem for all my Guidos out there) Instead, we're going to use baby portobello caps. It's just a little twist. The easiest way is to use a can of baby portobello caps. They're already cooked, so you know you won't end up with any tough mushrooms in your finished product.


And finally, the sauce. Get that tomato marinara crap out of here. Tonight, we're going Alfredo! Again, it's nothing special, just a little change on an old classic. 


So you're going to boil the noodles until they're to your liking. I like mine al dente, but most Americans are accustomed to noodles soft as mush. Whatever, I'm not going to judge. Take the noodles off of the heat and drain, but do not rinse. 


Return the noodles to their pot and place the burner on the lowest setting. If you're using an electric range, and are using one of the large coils, you can probably just turn it off altogether, as the coil should still be retaining a significant amount of heat. 


Now stir in the sauce and mushrooms. The heat of the noodles, together with the low heat from the burner, are going to get the sauce and mushrooms up to a good temperature. Remember, unless you're using fresh mushrooms or some kind of homemade sauce, these two ingredients were cooked long before you walked into the kitchen.


Now that you've got to this point, remove the pot from the heat, and add the finishing touch: Oregano. 


It's important to have an assortment of herbs and spices at your disposal. My bag of culinary tricks is always stocked with oregano, parsley, basil, sage, rosemary. thyme, some sort of seasoning salt, table salt, black pepper, roasted red pepper, Worcestershire sauce, and liquid smoke. You never know when you'll need one, and the more you play with these, the more uses you'll find for them.


But today, we're dealing with oregano. Now, I'm going to be honest here, I am horrible at using measurements. I basically eyeball everything to a measurement of "That's not enough." "That's a-gunna taste goood!" or "TOO MUCH!". So maybe start with a table spoon of oregano and see how that goes. Sprinkle it out over the top of the pasta to cover it evenly, and then mix it in until you have a uniform distribution of the herb throughout the pasta.


But why oregano? Because you're dealing with a big, heavy, steamy plate of pasta right in front of your face, and the oregano (a relative of the mint plant) is going to "lighten" the dish for you. It's got a hint of an airy taste that - I can't really explain it - will just make the food more accessible. 


Oh and by the way, don't make this recipe with fettuccine. Fettuccine is linguine big brother, and with this dish, it will totally cancel out the magical effects of the oregano.

And that's it. If you've ever made spaghetti and meatballs, you can make this dish. And if you've never made spaghetti and meatballs, you can still figure this one out.

Enjoy.